Self-Love


Yesterday, I published my very first podcast. Below is the full text to this episode. If you want to listen to it instead, here is the link:

Welcome to the pilot episode of The Podcast That Matters by Idleminds.

This podcast will focus on helping you feel good about yourself, inspire you, motivate you, and hopefully teach you a thing or two along the way. More importantly, it is going to encourage you to love yourself. As always, if there is anything else you want me to talk about on my future episodes, please let me know!

The first topic we’re going to discuss is Self Love.

Self-love is more than just loving yourself. It’s the belief that you are worthy of being loved and that you deserve to be happy. You don’t need to go out there and get someone else to do it for you. You are capable of loving yourself in all aspects of your life.

By comparison, most of us live a life full of regret. We blame our parents for not having the time to spend with us. We blame our friends for not being there when we needed them. We blame our jobs for not being enough. We blame ourselves for not doing enough. We blame everyone and everything.

The fact of the matter is that we are all responsible for the state of our own lives. No one else can make us feel worthy of love or happiness. In addition to believing that you are worthy of love, you also need to think that you deserve happiness. Your happiness matters to others too.

Many people aren’t as self-loving as they should be. They’re waiting for someone else to tell them they’re beautiful or that they’re worthy. But you can’t wait for someone to validate your self-worth. It’s something that you have to find within yourself.

Think about how much you appreciate the people who love you. What do you tell them when they ask you why you don’t love yourself? What happens to your motivation if you don’t credit your hard work? Why wouldn’t you want to learn how to make yourself happy and confident? Why do you let other people’s words and opinions bother you so much that you begin to believe that you’re not worth it?

Consider all of the good things you’ve done in your life. Consider all of the goals you’ve set and achieved. Consider how many people you’ve influenced. How much of your achievement is due to the self-love you’ve developed.

We’ve been conditioned to believe that we should only love ourselves for our appearance, wealth, or capacity to reach particular goals. But, when you consider everything you’ve accomplished, you owe it to yourself to give the proper credit.

Positively, I believe that everyone is deserving of love and happiness, no matter how many mistakes they’ve made or what the circumstances may be. What does it mean to love yourself? You should love yourself even if you make mistakes. You should love yourself even if you fail. You should love yourself even if you are not perfect. Loving yourself means you deserve to be happy. It means you deserve to be loved. It means you deserve to succeed.

Here are some questions that you can ask yourself to see if you’re self-loving:

Do you spend more time worrying about how other people see you than you do about your self-worth?

Do you spend less time being happy for yourself and more time thinking about what other people think of you?

When you’re in a negative mood, are you more likely to think about what other people think of you than you are to think about how you feel?

Do you worry about what other people think of you so much that it’s affecting the way you live?

Do you spend more time comparing yourself to others than you do thinking about improving your life?

When you compare yourself to others, is it more about what you lack or have?

When you answer these questions, keep in mind that you are entitled to happiness.

When you love yourself, you will learn how to be more confident. You will be able to enjoy a deeper, more meaningful life. You will be more self-aware. You will develop a healthy sense of self-esteem. Your self-esteem will grow because you will begin to see the positive things in yourself that you’ve been ignoring.

Your confidence will increase because you will believe in yourself. You will start to think that you’re smart and capable. You will believe that you’re worth something. You will believe that you are a good person. You will believe that you can do anything you put your mind to. All these things will radiate into the universe; your family, friends, and colleagues will see this and begin to respond to your positive mindset in life.

In contrast, if you don’t believe you’re worthy, you won’t be confident. You will not have faith in yourself. You will not think you are deserving. You will think you are stupid. You will not believe in your abilities. You will think you are nothing. You will believe that you have no meaning in life. You will feel that you are unimportant. You will assume that you are less than others. You’ll believe you’re an embarrassment. You’ll think you’re less than everyone else. You’ll see yourself as an outsider. You’ll begin to believe that no one likes you. Worse, you’ll feel that everyone despises you.

How do you want to treat yourself when you feel like you’re not worth anything?

Think about your life so far. If you feel like you don’t deserve to be happy or to live a fulfilled life, then maybe you’re not living by your values and are failing to evaluate your mindset and practice of self-love. It could be that you are not aware of how to love yourself. 

You are worthy of love. You are worthy of happiness. You deserve to be happy.

Here is a quick exercise. I strongly advise you to devote some time to answer the following questions. If you need to pause this podcast to answer the questions, go right ahead. These questions are essential in figuring out your level of self-love. Here they are:

What would you need to do to love yourself?

What do you need to change to feel more confident and self-loving?

Have you been treating yourself the way that you deserve to be treated?

Are you doing the things you need to do to improve your life?

Think about the things that you need to do to treat yourself better. Think about what you need to do to be the best version of yourself. Write your answers down on a piece of paper and set them aside. If you find a moment of tranquility later, read your answers, then decide on the changes you need to make to show yourself the love you deserve.

Remember, the lack of effort in this small and short self-assessment tells you a lot about the love you have for yourself. This might sound like a guilt trip, but it isn’t. The idea is to discover if you are depriving yourself of self-love, admiration, kindness, and civility you so deserve.

If you want to feel more confident in your life, you should treat yourself better. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be happy every day of your life. You deserve to be loved. You deserve to be healthy. You deserve to be treated fairly. You deserve to live life to the fullest. You deserve to love yourself.

If you want to change your life, you need to take action. What do you think would help you take action?

Here are four steps you can follow to start being more loving and understanding to yourself:

The first step is to admit that you have shortcomings. We all have them. Everyone has. Even though they might not think so, everyone has weaknesses. Acknowledged these flaws, but look at them objectively, honestly, and without judgment. In addition to that, you need to be open to the fact that this might be hard to accept.

Here is another exercise. As you answer the questions, you will realize the changes you need to make to your thinking and actions to treat yourself correctly. Again, I encourage you to pause the podcast, then write your answers down.

Consider this: Are you treating yourself with respect and appreciation? Do you treat yourself as well as you treat others? Is there something you do every day that makes you feel like you do not love yourself? What do you believe could help you love yourself?

The second step is to change your thoughts and how you think about yourself. You are the only person who can change your life. If you don’t want to live with a feeling of worthlessness, you need to start thinking differently.

Look at the words you used as you answered these questions. Some people are harsher to themselves compared to how they treat others. In treating yourself better, you may have to change your words. When you start thinking more positively about yourself, you will feel happier.

The third step is to acknowledge your worth. You must begin to value yourself and your accomplishments. You must start to recognize your strengths and flaws. You need to start appreciating yourself for all of your strengths and weaknesses. It’s okay to admit that you’re not perfect because even the finest have flaws.

The last step is to practice self-compassion. This means that you need to be kind and compassionate towards yourself. 

You need to treat yourself with respect and appreciation. You will feel better, energized, inspired, and more confident when you treat yourself this way.  Remember that there are no such things as failures, only opportunities to learn. So, when you feel bad, try to remind yourself that there is always something positive you can take from the situation.

Remember, our imperfection gives us wisdom and makes us strong and resilient. If you fail or make mistakes, be kind to yourself. Be more understanding, patient, and forgiving. Give yourself a break. Instead of being angry, focus on the lesson you’re getting from experience. The late Aaliyah once said, “And if at first, you don’t succeed, then dust yourself off and try again.” This is true when it comes to self-love. No matter how negative you feel now, there’s always a chance to love yourself. Only that, it’s a decision you have to make, and it’s an effort you have to take.

Self-love is not about perfection. It is not a competition to be the best. It is not necessary to be the most intelligent or attractive person. It is not necessary to have everything in order. Self-love entails having compassion for oneself and one’s flaws. It’s about being kind with oneself and being receptive. It’s about valuing oneself for both the things you do and the things you don’t do. It’s about cultivating self-compassion and self-love.

I’m reminded of Obi Wan Kenobi’s words to Anakin Skywalker. “Be mindful of your thoughts, Anakin; they betray you,” he said. This quote suggests that your thoughts will benefit you or harm you when applied to self-love, self-care, and self-esteem. When you have a favorable opinion of yourself, you will feel better. On the other hand, you are self-sabotaging when you think poorly about yourself. Therefore, keep an eye on your thoughts at all times. “Garbage in, garbage out,” as the expression goes. If you have a pessimistic outlook on life, you will live a cynical life.

Now is an excellent time to re-evaluate your mindset on self-love. Think about all of the good things you have done and all of the things you are proud of. Also, think about all of what you want to change or improve. It is never too late to make changes in your life.

Let me reiterate; there is no such thing as failure. When you make mistakes, learn from them. When you fail, try again. When you feel bad about yourself, don’t let it stop you from doing what you want to do. Be kind and compassionate to yourself, and remember that it is okay to make mistakes. It is okay to be human. It’s okay to be you.

I hope you enjoyed the pilot episode of the podcast by Idleminds. 

Thank you for listening. I hope you have a great day.

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